Question 1
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In 1991, I revised the Comprehensive Early Memories Scoring System (CEMSS-R),
which was originally formulated by one of my former students, Jeffrey Last, who is now in
private practice in the Detroit area. In the revised CEMSS, I described 15 categories of
memories, which focus primarily on childhood events. These categories include such types of
memories as being injured, abandoned, achievement memories, and so forth. (Click on CEMSS-R if you want to learn more about these categories). So in the sense that we have identified 15
categories of memories, the answer to the question is yes, the categories of memories people in
our culture recall tend to be limited in scope (the CEMSS-R was formulated from memories of
people raised in twentieth century American culture). I am not convinced, by the way, that the
memories of native peoples--to cite one example-- would necessarily conform completely to
these categories, which must be culturally influenced to some degree.
While most people remember more or less the same kind of events, it is also true that as
individuals we tend to remember a disproportionate number of events that conform to one or two
of these categories. For instance, some people may tend to remember mostly being sick or
injured. Or being rejected or abandoned. Moreover, how the same type of event is recalled often
differs significantly among people. For instance, I may recall being sick and my mother bringing
chicken soup and my favorite crackers, but someone else may recall suffering alone. The fact that
even similar events can be recalled differently by others speaks to our individuality as human
beings. Similarly, these differences in memory lead us back to differences in perception and,
ultimately, in personality organization.
CEMSS-R Categories
The revised CEMSS includes an attempt to categorize the universe of clinically relevant
memories (primarily those from early childhood in an American sample) in terms of content and
process themes. In that sense, a taxonomy of autobiographical memories was attempted.
Taxonomies are an important part of many scientific processes as they help to organize
information in a helpful way. For instance, a taxonomic process in biology provided us with
genuses and species for animals, including man (a bipedal primate mammal, a.k.a., homo
sapiens). My work with categorizing memories reflected the culmination of nearly 20 years of
research and clinical experience at the time. I believe that other categories of memories will
eventually be added, but I am also confident that this list, as it now stands, will prove to be of
considerable use to researchers who wish to work with it. And hopefully to you, as you ponder
your own memories and how they should be categorized, and what these categories have to tell
you about yourself.
Content and process themes describe the kinds of issues of interest to the person recalling
the event in question. They help us understand the specific life concerns that preoccupy us at a
particular point in our development (our focus is likely to change over time if we are committed
to a process of self development). When we have progressed sufficiently in our work with one
issue, our selection of memories is likely to change, consistent with our new focus. Life thus
goes on, and our memories change, consistent with who we have become. I have observed this
process clinically, pre- and post-treatment, and the same phenomena can be seen, say, in the
memories of 8 year old, versus 12 year old boys, to cite one particularly obvious example. As we
grow and develop, there is no reason to keep plowing old ground. Our favorite toys as four year
olds are likely to reside in a landfill by age eight, and so it is with memories also--as we change,
they change.
For those of you who may want to familiarize yourself with the CEMSS-R in more detail,
this instrument includes ten sections in all; content and process themes is the 7th. Listed below
are only the names of the various themes. How each is scored-- that is, the criteria used-- can be
found in the CEMSS-R manual, which is 22 pages long and often technical in nature because of
its intended research use. For those who are interested in digging further, I would direct you to
my 1995 paper (Click on Bruhn 1995) on injury memories, among other things, which includes
a more in depth discussion. The names of the 15 content and process themes follow:
A. Negative affect memories
- 1. Sickness, hospitalization, or accidental injury to self
- 2. Losses (deaths primarily but also moves and injuries to others)
- 3. Separation, abandonment, or being lost
- 4. Mastery failure (trying to do something but failing)
- 5. Trust (includes being neglected, physically attacked or threatened, or sexually molested, as well as a significant other's being drunk)
- 6. Rejection (by peers, or verbal abuse from authority figures)
- 7. Punishment
B. Positive affect memories
- 8. Successful mastery (success at a goal directed activity, or a landmark achievement)
- 9. Co-operative play with peers
- 10. Being gifted or having one's picture taken
- 11. Succorance (being helped, cared for, treated kindly)
C. Process themes (memory may be positive, negative or neutral in affect)
- 12. Food (focus is on food and eating)
- 13. Nonaggressive rule-breaking (rules, limits, or social sanctions are not respected)
- 14. Aggressive/sexual impulse control (individual recalls acting out against others)
- 15. Bizarre material
Question 2
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The way an event is remembered is significantly affected by patterns of contextually
specific perceptions that have developed during the lifetime. Simply put, in certain contexts we
have learned to respond in a visceral, predictably predetermined manner, based upon a core of
psychologically relevant prior life experiences and how we have constructed these experiences.
Our memories reflect these patterns of perception. In so many words, as we have come to
believe, through our life experiences, so also do we perceive now, and ultimately, remember. In
the case of affectively negative memories, the patterns in the memories that cause the negative
feelings often need to be changed because they are compromising our ability to develop.
How can we deduce these patterns in our memories? I devised a tool to do this called the precis technique. The precis helps us to identify certain negative expectations which we bring to key situations in our lives that cause us to become upset and to act counterproductively--'shoot ourselves in the feet' is one way to put it.
The Precis Technique
How do we precis a memory to decode imbedded patterns of perception?
After analyzing many thousands of memories and being asked by students in my classes how
I did it, I realized that I was intuitively reducing each memory to a contextually specific statement
of expectations. Below, I will provide an example which you can use on your own memories if you
wish.
In some 'complex' memories, several precis are possible. Sometimes a memory will combine
several statements of expectations which all relate to the same problematic context; such memories
can be confusing to precis until it is realized that several related messages have been crammed into
the same 'vehicle'. A set of precis for these complex memories will be needed to decode them. My
informal observations suggest that somewhere between 15-30% of autobiographical memories are
'complex'--i.e., more than one precis is needed to completely interpret the memory. I merely
mention this problem in case one of your own memories is 'complex'.
When I work with a memory I think of it as a perceptograph. What do I mean by that? A
perceptograph is a communication device that conveys concepts through visually encoded schemas
(click on Bruhn 1990 for a reference). Memories tell a story-- a visually oriented story for most of
us-- and efficient interpretive methods for memories must be prepared to handle how the message
is encoded.
Let's consider a simple memory (as opposed to a 'complex' one) so you can begin to acquire
some skills in memory interpretation.
Memory: The jungle gym memory.
I was playing on the playground. I fell off the jungle gym, and I ran home. I got real embarrassed
that I fell down in front of everyone, and I wouldn't go to the playground for the rest of the day.
(Clearest in the memory?) Falling down and everybody's looking at me. (Strongest feeling in the
memory?) I felt stupid. I wanted to get away from people.
The precis seeks, first, to identify the context which is problematic for the person. We could look
at the memory in a narrow way and identify this context as falling off a jungle gym. A broader
interpretation, however, would emphasize the form of the activity--here, trying to do something and
failing. But there is another element in this context: trying to accomplish something that is
observable to others, and failing. The form of the activity, then, is metaphorically depicted by the
perceptograph, which tells a visual story that encapsulates the issue needing resolution. How do we
know that the problematic context has to do with publically trying to do something and failing?
(Note that failing for present purposes means feeling that you failed because failing, psychologically,
is a subjective experience, and ultimately an attitude) The only way to 'prove' the adequacy of the
interpretation is to collect a large number of memories from the individual, say in an Early Memories
Procedure (Bruhn l989), and demonstrate that several other memories yield highly similar precis.
But this is not really 'proof'--we would be merely documenting a pattern of similar memory forms.
Ultimately, the best proof is to present the interpretation to the individual and ask for a response:
"Does this sound like something that concerns you now?" Well crafted interpretations are generally
accepted, although sometimes with additions or corrections.
The second aspect of the precis involves the expectation. So the precis consists of a context and an expectation concerning that context. The form of the precis is given below:
Precis: "When 'X' occurs, I expect 'Y' to follow. This is a simple formula which will handle most
memory precis.
What about the jungle gym memory? How can we precis this memory? Although you may
come up with a slightly different wording (try to precis this yourself!), here is a ballpark description:
Precis: When it is apparent to others that I have encountered difficulties with an achievement task,
I expect them to be critical, and so I feel embarrassed and self conscious and withdraw (rather than
return to task and risk failing again).
Notice that this precis (as do precis generally) attempts to incorporate cause and effect:
'When I feel that I have failed (cause), I expect others to be critical of my attempts, and this makes
me feel embarrassed and self conscious, so much so that I will withdraw and give up, rather than
come back to task and continue' (effect). The main virtue of this interpretive approach is that it is
minimally inferential; that is, it attempts to remain firmly grounded in the text of the memory,
without taking unnecessary liberties, or by making inferences that others would be unlikely to make.
This non-inferential emphasis enables us to maximize reliability-- or agreement between observers--
which is a necessary step in any interpretive process that has scientific validity.
The use of the precis is not intended merely to increase reliability. Its primary purpose is to help us understand the underlying unresolved issue which has determined the choice of memory and how that memory is recalled. Once the underlying issue is understood, along with its historical origins, we are in an excellent position to do something to begin to resolve the issue. For psychotherapy must help us to move beyond merely helping us to understand ourselves and how we came to be stuck in our lives. It should also provide some ideas as to how we can get unstuck and make some progress on these issues. In this particular case, the individual needed to accept:
1. That she did not fail, she merely experienced a setback. Failure is a state of mind which, in her case, needed to be radically revised.
2. That she needed to set her own goals and her own agenda. Like many young people, she allowed
herself to become overly affected by what she imagined to be the thoughts, feelings, and reactions
of others, particularly those in her peer group. If she wanted to climb a metaphorical jungle gym,
well that's what she should do, and the heck with how others reacted. And if she fell, metaphorically
speaking, so what? Who do you know who does everything perfect the first time? In a nutshell, she
needed to change the expectations she was putting on herself, which was discouraging her from even
trying once she encountered a setback.
A well crafted precis, then, should help us establish a therapy agenda, that is: What are the
problems, where do we start, and what are our goals? Once we have a completed Early Memories
Procedure (Bruhn 1989) and precis work, it should be relatively easy to develop a coherent plan to
correct the maladaptive patterns identified in the memories. Many of us can do at least some of this
work on our own; a therapist can be of help if problems arise in this process or if certain memories
defy interpretation. If you would like to consult with me about some of your memories, check
Consultation Services. However, if strong feelings arise or when you are unsure of what corrective
action to take, the support of a well trained therapist can be critical. Memory work, in the event, should
enable you to focus on what is really the issue and help you shorten the treatment process.
Many of you will be able to proceed with just the information provided. But if you need more
examples or a more structured method to interpret your memories, you might want to read some of
my publications (check References), most of which will be available in a good university library
(many will be found in journals geared to mental health professionals). I am also in the final stages
of writing another book, which you might want to order from me (because I do not have a publisher
yet). If you click on Consultation Services, I will put you on a list and notify you when the book
is available.
Figure at least six months though before the book is published, or 11/97.
The precis is the key to unraveling the hidden communications in your memories. Once you become adept with precis work, the 'mysterious' meaning underlying your memories will be revealed to you. Remember, the keys to becoming proficient at precis work are practice, practice, practice. But when you begin with your own memories, you will have a definite advantage, for who knows you better than yourself?
Question 3
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Memories with predominantly positive affect commonly describe situations that initially
involved some degree of tension that was resolved--that is, the major need described in the
memory was satisfied by the end of the memory. Positive affect memories generally speak to the
question, "How can I better deal with 'X' (where 'X' involves a situation, or type of situations,
having to do with the satisfaction of a major need)?"
Some of our memories should be positive, but we are more likely to recall events that
feel negative, particularly ones that are more likely to depict situations which are analogous to
ones we are struggling with today. Negative affect memories feel negative because the issue
depicted is unresolved.
Particularly vivid negative memories are vivid because they drawn a disproportionate
amount of psychic energy. This 'draw' occurs because we realize, unconsciously, that the
memory is important for some reason, and our attention is thus pulled by the energy which
highlights the memory by making it stand out from its peers.
We recall so many negative things, especially vivid negative things, because most of us
have a lot of things to work on in our lives. As long as we are alive, there is lots to do. Our
negative memories present ongoing reminders of what we need to attend to, much like a
Daytimer schedule reminds us of meetings and other activities that need to take place in our day
to day lives.
People--when they get up enough courage--often ask me, "Well, does my remembering all that negative stuff mean I'm crazy?" Answer: Usually, no. But it probably means there are a number of circumstances in your life that need attention. That's why the affect is negative. And as to the particularly vivid memories, this is your way of calling special attention to the issues which these memories depict (in metaphor). If there is a big pileup of negative memories that are troubling you, that likely means that you have put off dealing with a number of important issues that need your attention--or that you haven't yet figured out an effective way to handle them.
Question 4
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Personality is influenced by experiences but not determined entirely by them. Ultimately,
it is not our experiences which cause us to be who we are, but it is what we make of these
experiences. Much of the shaping, if you will, is accomplished by attitudes, which put the final
stamp of our personality on life experiences. At least this is the view of someone who subscribes
to CP theory. A behaviorist, by contrast, will view a human being as being shaped and molded
by past experiences; various behaviors are reinforced, classically or instrumentally, until they
appear reliably in response to the appropriate stimulus. Mind-- and attitudes specifically-- never
enters the picture. The CP model, however, posits the existence of a mind and respects the
power, potentially at least, of attitudes. It is our attitudes, ultimately, that help govern what
experiences we recall, and how we recall them. Personality, then, is mirrored by our selection of
memories. For who we are is reflected in our memories. But what about experience and its
relation to personality?
A crushing defeat, to cite one example, may merely fire our resolve to do better.
Injustices may cause us to rebel and stand up for what is right. An unnecessary loss may inspire
us to pick up the torch and correct the problem that caused the loss. Mothers Against Drunk
Drivers (MADD), for instance, was started by a mother whose child was killed by a drunk driver.
Attitude is the final determiner of how we will construct our experiences--for good or bad.
On the other hand, a barrage of traumatic experiences, particularly when they occur early in life, increases the likelihood that coping skills will be compromised. Deficiencies in our coping skills may leave us with self-defeating attitudes and too little self-confidence. It is difficult to cope and adjust in the face of an onslaught of negative events taking place. Recollections of these events point to feelings that have been inadequately worked through, or negative experiences which need to be looked at again in light of present understandings. For as we grow in years, and hopefully in wisdom, our understanding of what has happened to us can change with changes in our perspective. A philosophical, reflective approach to past events can free us from antiquated and maladaptive attitudes that continue to affect our functioning today. For example, unnecessarily harsh treatment from a first grade teacher can continue to affect present attitudes toward teachers until the pertinent traumatic experiences are reexamined and reprocessed in light of present understandings. There is no need to continue to suffer from the results of these old traumas, but often we do when we avoid confronting negative experiences and reprocessing them.
Question 5
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In a word, no.
Negative memories merely depict, in story form, an issue that has relevance to you now.
The more negative the memory, the greater its relevance. What do I mean by that?
Memories that are experienced as very negative are almost always imbued with very powerful feelings that are negative in tone. The affect points to something that needs resolution. In that sense, negative affect functions as a marker, directing our attention to a condition that needs some kind of intervention. If we could put words to such feelings, they would be saying, 'There's something wrong here. Do something!'
If negative feelings did not exist, there would be less reason to take action on matters that
disturb us. Thus, negative feelings motivate us. For these, and other similar reasons, I frequently
say to clients I work with in therapy, "Your feelings are your friends. They may upset you, but
they exist to guide and direct you to what you might otherwise ignore. Once we discover what is
causing you to feel the way you do, we can begin to make some changes, and you'll feel better.
So your feelings are your friends!"
This is a logical way to approach what is often a fearsome subject, but it is true.
Frightening memories do not mean that you are "sick", they only remind you that there is
something in your life that needs urgent attention.
To clarify what that 'something' is, click on precis and CEMSS-R. This material will help you learn to decode the deeper structure of your memories which will reveal personal issues in process.
Question 6
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The main role of affect in our memories in that of a marker, as discussed in Question 5.
Affect points us to important issues that need to be processed.
But affect serves other roles also. Part of our nature as human beings, it seems, is to feel.
If we are to understand other people, we must be able to learn to feel the kinds of feelings they
feel, and understand what makes them feel that way. If we cannot do this, inevitably we will end
up lacking empathy to some degree; we will be unable to connect with various life experiences
they have had, which will seem odd to us. Speaking metaphorically, we will find that we are
inadequately wired; important connections will be missing.
Another role of affect is to align properly with cognition. What we think should be consistent with a certain set of feelings. Those whose attitudes have caused affective misconnections to occur are often labeled odd or antisocial. For instance, one convict I tested reported a memory of a party where he impulsively started a brawl by hitting a friend over the head with a bottle. He thought this was hilarious and recalled the reported event with great glee. Most of us not behind bars would not experience this incident as funny. Problems with cognitive/affective linkages point to problematic attitudes that need to be examined. As one of my coaches used to say to a teammate who was forever sulking when things didn't go right or he didn't get his way, "Son, you need an attitude adjustment." Coach was right. But the problem was how to adjust the attitude. Sometimes seeing the solution is easy, but implementing the solution is not. This is where memory work can come into play. Where does that attitude come from? What sustains it now?
Question 7
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Briefly, the linkage between issue and affect has been disrupted. How does this happen?
Most commonly, the affect associated with the issue depicted in the memory is 'too hot',
which causes the linkage to be 'fried', if you will. The affect is then 'lost' to consciousness,
albeit conserved elsewhere, potentially for a time when 'reattachment' is possible. How can the
affect be reattached?
The easiest way, in my experience, is to work on relevant coping skills, odd as that may
sound. Why work on coping skills? It was probably the feeling equivalent of 'I can't deal with
this' that amplified the initial affective experience which ultimately compromised the connection
between issue and affect--essentially a self-protective bailout for the client. But as coping skills
improve, the affect generated in present time with this event will be less intense. Then the
connection between the issue and the old affect will begin to regenerate as the feelings caused by
the old issue are less overwhelming. What happens in clinical practice is that once coping skills
begin to improve sufficiently the affect connected with the memory spontaneously returns to
consciousness; the client reports that "suddenly" the affect came back when s/he began to think
about that old experience. And the clinician who is not aware of the underlying process wonders
what happened--e.g., is this an example of 'spontaneous recovery'?
Other clinicians use other methods, such as hypnosis. I tend to stay away from techniques that try to 'force' a client to remember something painful because of my theoretical beliefs--losing parts of a memory or an affect/issue connection (analysts talk about this process in terms of repression) suggests to me that a client is not ready to handle whatever is lost until something else is done first. Once the preliminary work is done, the lost material tends to return naturally, without my having to resort to extraordinary methods. Does this mean that I think other clinicians are wrong? No, it means that I believe that work is being done out of sequence, which causes more effort to be expended and often more discomfort for the client, who may not be prepared to handle the information at hand. Sometimes clients can be helped by such methods, but often they must endure processes that are more painful than need be.
Question 8
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Let me begin with an analogy. Let me say that John is a good athlete. What do I mean by
that? Do I mean that he is in good shape physically and well-coordinated, that he is toned,
aerobically fit, or strong? Questions like this are hard to answer, as a good athlete may be strong,
flexible, quick, fast but not quick, good at tasks that require endurance (triatholons for instance),
leg strength, upper body strength, coordination, quick reflexes, and so forth. So a good athlete is
probably good at one or more of the above. In a similar vein, I may say that this person is in
touch with his/her feelings. What do I mean by that?
Like a versatile athlete, someone in touch with their feelings may be in touch with all
their feelings. Or, alternatively, they may be very much in touch with some feelings, but not
very much in touch with other feelings. Metaphorically, I conceptualize feelings as if displayed
on an electronic panel and controlled by knobs associated with one and only one feeling
uniquely. In some cases the control knobs associated with all feelings will be fully turned on;
more often, these knobs will be fully turned on in some cases, fully turned off in others, and the
rest will be on to some degree. How can we understand what makes certain feelings be turned off
and others to be turned down?
As discussed in question 7, sometimes life experiences and choices leave us unprepared
to handle certain situations. When that happens, the associated feelings may be turned off. In
other cases, we can handle certain situations associated with some feelings but not others. If we
graded these situations on a difficulty scale ranging from 1 (extremely easy) to 10 (reigning
master level), we might find that a particular individual tops out at a 5 level, suggesting that
feelings are available in all but more challenging situations. Others may max out at a 1 or 2 level
but short out after that. As one of my early clients, who was extremely depressed initially, stated
after about a year of therapy, "I feel very good about what I have been able to accomplish. I can
now open up to dogs and small children," he said wryly, "but I continue to have a lot of trouble
with women." For him, this was a major advance as he had been rejected by his mother, who then
died, and he gradually withdrew over time into an increasingly debilitating depression. After a
year of work he could develop rudimentary relationships with women but experienced major
difficulties with conflict resolution, particularly where the potential for rejection was
considerable. This was a skill area that needed to improve considerably before he could have the
confidence to invest fully in a relationship. For him, many feelings related to intimacy were
simply not experienced--the associated risk was too great. His depression protected him from
having to experience these feelings.
Anger is a feeling that most of us want to remain connected to. For one thing, anger can
be empowering, at least initially. Anger enables us to mobilize ourselves and get things done. If
we get mad enough, something will happen, and frustration will be discharged. For those of us
who are sufficiently socialized not to get in trouble with authority, we have learned to channel
our anger so that we are more likely to use it to mobilize ourselves to begin to change our
situation and thereby discharge our frustrations constructively. If I become angry at the mess in
the house, I can utilize my excessive adrenaline to do what I need to do around the house. But if I
also use my adrenaline to scream at my family, I may feel empowered initially ('I guess I told
them a thing or two'), but often at a long term cost to our relationship (trust and intimacy are
inevitably eroded as a result). Typically, the only times that anger is completely turned off is
when we have learned it is too threatening to express. In such cases retaliation, rejection or
extreme punishment has been the outcome--a cost too dear to permit this feeling to be expressed.
Happiness is another matter. Most commonly, those who can't feel happiness are immersed in a black hole of depression, which effectively 'swallows' every other feeling. Less commonly, those who can't feel happy are afraid to feel happy because they believe that if they allow themselves to relax and feel good, something bad will quickly follow. So they don't allow themselves to feel anything, hoping in essence that God will punish them for experiencing a respite of short lived happiness. Aside from those instances, most of the rest of us allow ourselves at least that feeling, no matter how fleeting it might be!
Question 9
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Your vivid memories have become so because they draw proportionately more psychic
energy than other memories. Figure that, electrically speaking, they 'draw more current'. But
how to understand that? Let's begin with the premise, 'some memories are more important than
others', which seems intuitively obvious. But what makes one memory more important than
others?
Again, let me begin with a metaphor. Each of us has a set of tasks that are relevant at a
point in time. Let's say that it is the end of the month, and I have to pay my bills, change the oil
in my car, and read a book. If my bills are due, I will review my 'to do' list and put that task first
because the consequences of putting it off (inconvenience to others, late charges, bad credit
rating) are too onerous. Similarly, there are some tasks ('issues', so called) in our lives that have
a more compelling priority. Memories which bear on those tasks become highlighted ( a largely
unconscious process), which we subjectively experience as appearing more illuminated or more
sharply detailed in relation to other recollections. They thus stand out and call our attention to
them.
One of the things that I do with my therapy clients is ask about their memories as we
begin to make progress on issues we have been working on. As progress is made, vivid memories
from early in therapy will begin to fade in clarity and intensity, much to the surprise of my
clients! In some cases when great progress has been made, memories that have best articulated
that issue are forgotten entirely. It has not been unusual for clients to accuse me of mixing their
recollections up with those from other clients until I pull out their Early Memories Procedure,
which they completed in their own hand at the beginning of therapy, so they can verify with their
own eyes what they wrote down.
How can we understand the process whereby previously vivid memories fade in intensity
or are forgotten entirely as issues are worked through? As I perceive it, easily accessible storage
space in long term memory is at a premium. It is inefficient for memories depicting issues that
are now obsolete to be featured in long term memory. It is much more efficient for memories that
have present relevance to take their place, which is exactly what appears to happen. Memories
begin to fade as progress is made in therapy, and clients report that they remember when key
memories were much more vivid; as more progress is made, they often report that they can recall
that certain events happened to them, but they can no longer visualize them; in the final stages of
progress, they may forget that an event occurred at all, or they may put an entirely different spin
on the event in question, consistent with how analogous situations are perceived presently.
And so each of us at any point in our lives-- whether we are formally in therapy and working on our issues, or not in therapy but proceeding as best we can on our own--will find that we once had certain very vivid memories that we know occurred but which have now faded sufficiently that we can no longer visualize them.
Question 10
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The simplest way to learn what a memory means is to master the precis technique (click
on precis), which will tell you what your expectations are in certain problematic contexts. In
other words memories are designed, unconsciously, to help you get in touch with what may be
troubling you in your life. You may find that certain memories are upsetting to you, but what is
really upsetting to you is what that memory represents. At least I think that is what you will
discover if you write down all of your most vivid memories across your lifetime; you should find
that there is a common theme. But are memories like dreams in some way?
Absolutely. The precis technique can often be used with dreams also, although the
language system utilized by dreams does not conform to the same reality constraints imposed by
the corpus of our life experiences. With memories, we are limited to drawing upon the universal
set of our life experiences to communicate the nature of our issues in process. With dreams,
however, there is no parallel limitation. Dreams take more poetic liberties with metaphor. But
how are memories and dreams related?
I have found that there are a number of types of dreams which can serve a variety of
purposes, including wish fulfillment as Freud pointed out. But the more interesting type of dream
for present discussion is the therapy dream, or dreamwork that is done in conjunction with our
attempts to resolve present problems in living. Just as we work on our issues during the day, that
process continues at night. How often have we been faced with a problem and said to ourselves,
"Hmmm, I'm going to have to sleep on that one." Sometimes our conscious attempts to work
through a problem fail because of incomplete information, because of flaws in our strategy, and
the like. But our work at night, in our dreams, helps us to access missing pieces which we need
to solve the puzzle that we work to resolve during the day.
I conceptualize memories as helping us to get in touch with what isn't working in our
lives. Memories help us to diagnose the problem and sometimes to understand its historical
origins. Dreams, on the other hand, help us to work through the glitches that arise when our best
laid plans fall short. Our day time experiences tell us that something is not working, but when we
don't fully comprehend what that 'something' is, our dreams can often provide the solution
during the 'night shift'. Concretely, the solution may be a relevant memory, or part of a memory,
that was previously too upsetting to recall; it may involve feelings that we have turned down or
ignored; or it may be, literally, an answer to a question, a strategy, or an approach to a
troublesome situation.
Ultimately, I conceptualize memories and dreams as part of the same unconscious process which exists to help us understand ourselves and function more effectively, consistent with our life goals. That process provides us with memories that help us to understand our issues better during the day and dreams to help us resolve them when we become bogged down and frustrated over our unsuccessful attempts to move forward in our lives.
Question 11
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Vivid memories stand out, as we have previously indicated, because they are important to
us now for some reason. Sometimes, feelings must be acknowledged or vented. Sometimes, these
memories point us toward similar patterns that are presently affecting our lives in a similarly
adverse manner. What is usually the most bothersome is the pattern in your life that keeps you on
the treadmill of losing different jobs for the same reason or losing different relationships for the
same reason. Your memories can help you get in touch with what is at the root of whatever keeps
occurring in your life that you would like to disappear. True, there are bad jobs and bad
relationships, and sometimes the best thing to do is to let them go. But after you do, you still
bring along your old patterns and your old issues. Just as your old skills and knowledge base is
transportable to a new job, your old patterns and issues in process come right along with you as
well! So, what to do about these troublesome memories?
My best suggestion is to start working on them, on your own or in therapy. You will find
many excellent suggestions in this section if you choose to work on your own. But remember, it
probably isn't the memory that bothers you so much as what that memory represents (certain
traumatic memories are an exception to this, especially violent or tragic memories. Consider the information
violent memories below if this is a problem).
In sum, 'forgetting' these memories probably won't work. These memories are sticking with you because you realize, at some level, that you are fully able to work on them now. If you really weren't ready, you probably would have, literally, 'forgotten' them because others matters were preemptive. So good luck in your efforts, and remember that there is a lot of written material to work with if you need help with interpreting memories (see my list of publications, most of which are available from a good college library). If that doesn't work, I am available for consultation or therapy (click on Consultation Services) although many of you should be able to get what you need from the materials I have provided. May your work be productive!
Violent Memories
Violent or tragic memories present special challenges. Combat memories are a case in
point, as are memories of being raped, violent attacks, terrible accidents, natural disasters, and
the like.
Such experiences sometimes produce post traumatic stress disorder, where an individual is
trapped, as I see it, emotionally in a highly upsetting and disruptive situation that s/he cannot let
go of. Such experiences often must be relived in various ways until you are free from the feelings
that have trapped and engulfed you. A rough analog for those of you who are Bill Murray fans is
the movie, Groundhog Day. The time in question keeps repeating itself until the issue is worked
through sufficiently for the individual to move on. In such instances I would urge you to work
with a skilled professional who has the training to help individuals who suffer from post
traumatic stress syndrome. Keep in mind that you should allow yourself enough time to work
through the troublesome experience, often reliving it many times (Bill Murray-like), until the
feelings no longer keep drawing you back to the point where your life was disrupted. This may
take many repetitions until you can master whatever upset you.
Also keep in mind that the goal should not be to forget the incident in question, which
will never happen. Rather, it is to make the incident in question less painful for you so that it no
longer exerts the disruptive effect that it did upon your life.
Good luck!
Question 12
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The first memory that you can recall in your life is typically important for a reason that
parallels why the first paragraph in a novel is important--it helps to determine what is likely to
come after it. If after you connect with your first memory, you ask yourself, "what memory
comes to mind next?", you then set in motion a process of associational chaining that is
influenced by a larger, unspoken question-- "What is most important to me in my life right now?"
For the process of recalling memories is not random. We tend to recall what is most important to
us now as our spontaneous memories (e.g., "What comes to mind as your first memory?"), if we
have no pre-existing agenda, such as trying to recall our first memory of being punished or
abandoned, or lost, etc.
But maybe you are not satisfied with that response. Perhaps you want to know more about why you recall that particular event. I would say that the event you chose will lead you fairly quickly by an associational process to a particularly clear memory lifetime, or a particularly important memory lifetime. These extremely clear and/or important memories are actually the critical memories for you personally. Occasionally the first memory is also the clearest or most important memory lifetime--the two are one and the same. But more often the first memory merely provides a reliable pathway for you to access more important memories. That is, through a process of associations ("And what memory comes to mind next?") you can usually quickly arrive at what is a key memory for you.
Key Memory
What makes a memory "key"? Several different features could make it key.
- It preserves a critical incident, after which your life was no longer the same in some sort of
essential way. Perhaps someone close to you died, or you moved and lost an important friend or
friends, or you began to use substances, or withdraw emotionally from school, or doubt or blame
yourself for some reason, and so forth. This incident in turn contributed to your making certain
life choices that have led you to where you are now. And where you are now has enough of a
troublesome downside (there is usually an upside as well) that you are trying to figure out how to
make adjustments in your life that will enable you to avoid certain frustrations that are making
you feel challenged presently or even stuck in some phase of your life to some degree.
- It describes in metaphor the crux of a conflict that you have been wrestling with, which I
would describe as your major issue in conflict. Most of our more distant spontaneous memories
are metaphorical in that they do not merely record an historical event, they also point us to
important contemporary issues in our lives, such as our belief that we need to be honest, or trust,
or disclose, and so forth. We can identify what the major issue is by the precis technique and by
CEMSS-R content and process themes. Click on precis technique and CEMSS-R for more
information.
- It describes in metaphor how you can resolve an important issue you are presently struggling with. These memories are commonly positive affect memories, or recollections you remember as pleasant. Positive affect memories depict the gratification of needs that are important now. What makes these needs important? Typically, we have not found a way to gratify them enough, or frequently enough. For example, if there is something about us that causes us to get a lot of attention, getting attention is usually not that important. I was an only child, for instance, and I usually got a lot more attention than what I wanted. But for people who don't get much attention--for whatever reason-- this need assumes more importance. Memories that capture how this need was gratified allow us not just to remember fondly a pleasant time in our lives but also to preserve clues as to how to gratify this need more reliably.
Sometimes the first memory is extremely important. It is more likely to be so if it preserves a major trauma. Often, first memories with very negative affect require some feelings work to alleviate how they still make us feel. Or if we can't access the feelings in a traumatic memory, we need to find a way to reconnect with these feelings (which are preserved inside us even if we cannot consciously feel them). The rule of thumb for feelingless traumatic memories is, 'What you don't know can hurt you." The feelings must be dealt with somehow, so better that we feel whatever we need to feel and know these feelings for what they are. In other cases, the first memory may depict a fairly bland event with no particular strong negative affect--"I remember waiting for my brother to come home from school so we could play." Chances are memories like this will merely help us easily reconnect with a memory that is important later--such as the death of that brother in a tragic accident, or the problem that the passive waiting depicted in the memory caused later.
Question 13
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Actually there has been some work with the first, or earliest, memory. Alfred Adler, a
younger contemporary of Freud, contributed some stimulating ideas about the earliest memory.
He used it, along with birth order and the presenting problem, to help his students better
understand the dynamics of psychological problems and how these diminished "social interest".
Adler was a great diagnostician. But when he broke with Freud's view of personality, he lost the
influence of Freud's podium, and many of his otherwise good ideas lost visibility. Aside from
Adler's work, there has been surprisingly little interest in memories, in part, perhaps, because
Adler used them entirely for diagnostic purposes.
Two influences have converged to surpress interest in memory interpretation.
The first involves the influence of the analytic movement. When I was a graduate student
at Duke, I was told by many supervisors to be extremely careful when asking about people's
memories. When I asked why, I was told that people could be easily pitched into a psychotic
episode. This information made me extremely nervous about soliciting childhood memories,
from clients especially. Fortunately, my dissertation advisor, Harold Schiffman, while duly
cautionary, was encouraging of my explorations. Since 1972, I have worked with over 10,000
people--clinically, in various research studies, and via supervision of others' work--and no one
who was not already psychotic became so as a result of memory work, except for one person.
This was a female prisoner who recovered memories of having been sexually abused as a girl and
then confessed to her group therapy group that she had done the same thing to her daughter years
before. It took her several weeks to talk through this extremely unnerving and upsetting material,
but the inmate recouped her sanity and is now functioning better than she was before she entered
the group and without benefit of antipsychotic medications.
Despite the caveats of my colleagues, after 25 years of practical experience, I have not
found that memory work poses any special risk to clients. On the other hand, it is fair to say that
memory work is often upsetting to clients because it puts then in close proximity to the kind of
material that is causing their present dysfunctionality. For individuals who want to go at therapy
slowly and thereby minimize their level of distress, for whom time and money are not factors,
memory work may not be the therapy of choice. Additionally, some individuals are mostly
interested in understanding themselves, as opposed to working through problems; memory work
may not be the method of choice here either.
The second influence comes from very different quarters. Academicians who are
involved in the study of memory recognize that personality and memory frequently travel on the
same highway. Their concern--since they are interested in memory and not personality--is to
minimize any influence that personality might have on their results. There is no criticism
intended from me in this regard--memory researchers are correctly concerned about this matter.
For many years, therefore, they have studied the ability of subjects to memorize nonsense
syllables or made up words and the like to attempt to minimize the effect of personality on their
findings.
But a problem arises in the real world because personality often controls what we choose
to learn and remember. An engineer, for example, may be more interested in numbers and
numerical relationships than in words and pretty phrases, whereas a lit major may be oriented in
exactly the opposite direction. We attend to what is important to us and tend to ignore what we
consider trivia. Thus, personal interests and motivation inevitably enter the picture whenever we
begin to study the process of learning and remembering. At least, that is how I see it. As one of
my mentors at Duke, Herb Crovitz, once pointed out: "Bruhn, you are interested in the very thing
that we are trying to get rid of. No one [who is studying autobiographical memory as a memory
researcher] is interested in this kind of stuff." In so many words, people in that area know that
personality has an impact on memory studies, but they are only interested in limiting and
minimizing that impact-- not in better understanding
the effect.
In lighter moments, I have often thought of myself as working in the junk bin of psychology. From the perspectives of analysts and traditional memory researchers I have spent my career rummaging through what analysts consider ticking time bombs and memory people view as an unbelievable nuisance at best and garbage at worst. Somewhat divergent views, those! While I do not disagree with the perspective of memory researchers, I also think that the time may be coming where we can begin to view human beings as unitary entities with individual agendas rather than as merely an aggregate of faculties--memory, perception, motivation and the like-- with a dollop of individuating life experiences superimposed. I hope that my work with memories, viewed from the perspective of personality, begins to move us more in the direction of integrating the "junque" from the junk bin with a formal understanding of memory which generations of memory researches have provided.